MENTAL HEALTH | Beyond The Shade

March 24, 2020

Coronavirus: Protect your mental health during lockdown

Social distancing, self isolation, quarantine and many more words that encourage people to stay safe during the Covid-19 pandemic have been on the media as schools and businesses shut down and people go on a rampage to buy as much supplies as they can in the event of a lock down.

This is a very scary time for many and like most infectious diseases, the impact of the coronavirus can affect our mental health.

We have been advised by the government to stay at home except to pick up essentials, like food and medication or go to work if you are a stated frontline worker; to avoid being on a group of more than two at any given time and to practice safer hygiene measures like hand washing as soon as we get home if we have been out and before handling all food.

Wash your hands regularly and when you have been in public spaces

It’s upsetting to be asked to stop working, we have bills to pay and its distressing to think of what will happen going forward as no specific timeline has been given, but that we stay on lockdown for 21 days.

However, it may help to look at things a bit differently.

Firstly, use it as a time to rest and reflect. Apart from the frontline workers, most people are at home, some with their families and some alone.

You could create a new routine that fits in with your family and self care.

A lot of parents will be home schooling at this time, so it’s important that they make time to help their children with school work and also have time to rest.

Now is the time to read those books gathering dust on the shelves, trying a new recipe, catching up on movies that you have been wanting to watch for a while.

While it’s good to catch up on the news, do not have it on constantly as that will make you more anxious. Don’t trawl social media and internet sites following conspiracy theories and speculation of the illness.

Watching what we eat will be a challenge in the coming weeks. When people are going to work and school they have breakfast, carry a packed lunch or pick up something light then they have dinner at home.

Now, with the lockdown and most people being at home at the same time, it’s so easy to keep going to the fridge or cupboard to grab a snack as and when one feels like.

It will be good to minimise our intake of junk foods and candy because comfort eating will only lead to more stress when people have gained weight after this period.

Eating a healthy balanced diet will be good for your physical and mental health

The gyms have been shut down and people will be wary about going out to exercise even though the government guidelines advise us to do so at least once a day, but there are a lot of YouTube channels where people can get free exercises that are easy enough to do at home and fit it in with their kids.

Staying in touch online, on the phone and on video calls with family and friends that you don’t live with would be helpful during this time of social distancing but do not share or circulate information from unreliable sources as this will cause more anxiety.

Check on your elderly relatives and people that live alone and those that you know are vulnerable because this is going to be a very difficult time for them.

Do not stay up all night binge watching series only to spend all day in bed the next day, that will make you less productive during the day. Create a routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time each day and avoid taking your phone to bed.

Do not self diagnose or self prescribe medications. If you take prescription medication continue taking the stated dosages and do not share medication.

If your feel your mental state is getting worse or you are worried about someone here is a list of things you can do:

You can call NHS 111 if you or someone you know needs urgent care, do not go to A and E or visit doctors surgeries at this time.

If you’re under the care of a mental health team and have a care plan that states who to contact when you need urgent care please do so.

The Samaritans have a free number to call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and you can talk to someone in confidence whenever you need to on 116 123. Calls to this number will not appear on your telephone bills.

Stay safe, stay home; as this will make it easier for the medical teams to do their work and follow the given guidelines, they are there for a reason.

September 12, 2019

How to get a good night’s sleep

Getting enough sleep is vital for our physical and mental health.

The average healthy adult should sleep for at least 7 and a half to 8 hours a day, but a lot of us have either very little or too much sleep.

A good night’s sleep is important for everyone and if deprived, it can lead to someone feeling more than just tired.

Lack of sleep slows down cognitive function leading to learning disabilities in children, memory impairment in people of all ages, personality changes and depression.

It can negatively affect one’s life by contributing to the development of ailments such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease.

When people are deprived of sleep, they experience difficulty in making decisions, easily get irritable, have slower reaction times and perform tasks poorly.

Here are some tips that may be helpful for a good night’s sleep

Choose a relaxing bedtime routine and keep it regular. You can wind down each night by having a warm bath, reading, listening to soft music or meditating. Try to wake up at the same time each morning including on days off.
Establish the best sleeping environment by ensuring that your bedroom is comfortable, dark, cool or warm to your liking. If your room is too light, you may consider using blackout curtains or a sleep mask.
Avoid using bright screens before bed, the body reacts to unexpected doses of blue and white light which can cause insomnia.
Don’t go to bed with a negative mindset. If you go to bed worrying about events or stressing that you won’t be able to go through the next day without sleep, you won’t be able to relax into a restful sleep.
Use your bed for sleep and intimacy. It’s easy to watch television or use the computer in your bedroom to finish up some work but try to avoid doing that as your sleep environment will become your work environment and you wont rest.
Plan your next day before you settle down for bed. Try writing a to-do list for the next morning so that you won’t be playing your duties over in your head when you go to sleep.
Limit nap times. If you are very tired and a nap can’t be avoided, try to limit them to no longer than 30 minutes and not too late in the afternoon.
Exercise regularly but not too vigorously close to your bedtime.
Avoid Stimulants. Tea, coffee and chocolate are all stimulants that can affect your sleep and should be avoided at least 4 hours before bedtime. Heavy meals should not be eaten before bedtime as well.
Switch off your mobile or silence it so that you do not get disturbed while you are asleep.

The most important thing is finding what works for you and sticking with it so that you may have a healthy sleeping pattern, that may be beneficial to your physical and mental wellbeing.

May 28, 2019May 28, 2019

“Black African people do not get depressed!”

‘Black African people do not get depressed!’

This is a statement I hear time and time again when talking about mental health with members of ethnic African communities who believe that mental illness is a ‘white’ thing.

According to the World Health Organisation, 300 million people in the world suffer from depression.

Depression affects people of all ages, from all walks of life. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how old you are or what colour you are.

Unfortunately people from certain cultures are primed from an early age to suppress their feelings, hide how they feel and conceal their illnesses.

Why do black people have to be so strong about everything? We are constantly being reminded that ‘you are a strong black woman or you are a strong black man, you cannot be so weak to admit you are struggling with any mental illness’. It is just not acceptable to do so as it is an embarrassment to your family members.

We are supposed to pray away our illnesses and have the faith in God to overcome all obstacles that come our way. We have to pray against generation curses and spiritual enemies that come to us in the form of mental illness.

Scriptures are often quoted that make someone that is suffering from an illness feel like guilty for not knowing those bible verses and for not believing in the healing power of God.

I accept that prayer, meditation, mindfulness and all alternative therapies are good for ones well-being but they can’t be used as a substitute for treatment of illnesses which can potentially be life threatening.

Depression is an illness that seems to be only acceptable to people that are well off financially in certain places. Poorer people are not expected to say that they suffer from depression, they have too many other problems to worry about instead of wallowing in self pity.

There is so much stigma surrounding depression that stops black people from seeking proper medical treatment for mental health problems.

We are told we can make it through anything, our people survived slavery after all.

Some of the comments that put people off seeking treatment or talking about their health problems are these;

‘You shouldn’t be so weak, tell your problems to God and not a stranger, why are you seeing a therapist?’
‘Don’t take medication, it will make you crazy. People who take medication get worse anyway.’
‘What if you get sectioned? You could lose your children.’
‘Cheer up, there are people going through worse; think about the children that are starving in poorer parts of the world.’
‘You worry too much, you should learn to relax. What are you thinking of anyway?’
‘That is life, get over it!’

The people that choose to seek help and take medication or have therapy, do so in private without their family members knowing about it because It is never received well.

When people are struggling they do not need to be reminded of how strong they are or should be, it deters them from seeking the help that could benefit their health.

The rates of unexplained suicides has risen and in most cases a person will have been struggling with mental health issues but not talking about it because of fear of judgement and being seen as weak.

We need to be more understanding and supportive of each other and if people close to us show signs of depression or any mental health problems we need to be able to talk to them about it, not fob them off and tell them to snap out of it or tell them to be strong.

The new parent struggling to cope with their new born may not be lazy or unloving to their baby but they could be suffering from post-natal depression. Post-natal depression does not only affect first time mothers, it can affect them after the birth of a second or third child even though it didn’t happen with previous children and it can affect the fathers too. No new parent should feel embarrassed or ashamed to concede that they are struggling, and having postpartum depression does not make anyone a terrible parent.

One of the main reasons that people do not seek treatment for depression apart from the social stigma and discrimination is the high cost of medical treatment. When people can’t afford to pay for treatment for other common ailments, they do not feel that they should be complaining of ‘sadness’ and going to seek medical help for it.

Suppressing emotions is seen as a sign of strength but it is not. Identifying that you have a diagnosable illness and seeking help is being strong but we still have a long way to go in talking about mental health and understanding that there is treatment for illnesses.

Depression does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, it doesn’t care about your gender, religious views, your weight or age. It can affect anyone and at anytime of their lives. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and the earlier that treatment begins, the more successful it can be.

April 26, 2019April 25, 2019

Signs of depression to look out for and how to get help.

Depression affects approximately 1 in 4 people of the UK population. Many people suffer from depression but are unaware of the signs or may choose to ignore them in the hope that the feelings may pass.

It may also be a case of not wanting to accept a diagnosis of depression due to the stigma attached to it and the taking of antidepressants or it could be cultural reasons that are holding them back from acknowledging that they need help.

The longer that treatment is delayed, the more difficult it is for depression to be treated, with a higher chance of recurrence. It can also contribute to or worsen other medical conditions.

Here are some signs of depression that you may look out for and if you or someone close to you has experienced any of them for 2 weeks or longer it would be good to see your family doctor to discuss treatment.

Loss of interest in activities that one used to enjoy, loss of libido and being in an extended state of irritable mood.
Trouble remembering details or concentrating.
Unexplained feelings of fatigue or lack of energy over an extended period of time. Fatigue that is brought about by depression is not associated with other causes such as an increase in physical activity or other conditions.
Feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, worthlessness, and helplessness. When someone is depressed, these feelings occur nearly every day and can be severe enough to be delusional.
Hopelessness and Pessimism.
Oversleeping or insomnia.
Restlessness.
Loss of appetite or mindless comfort overeating.
Aches and pains that won’t go away.
Constant sad, anxious, or feelings of emptiness.
Suicidal thoughts or attempts and self-harming. A person suffering from depression may have recurrent deliberations of suicide or attempt suicide.

If you are feeling suicidal please get help by going to your A&E Department at the hospital or call 999 or call NHS 111 (England) or NHS Direct 0845 46 47 (Wales)

You may call the Samaritans on freephone 116 123 if you don’t want to go to A&E but want to talk to someone, they are open 24 hours.

You may also contact your GP for an emergency appointment or call the out of hors team.

There is help and treatment available, do not suffer in silence.

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels

April 11, 2019

But First…Love Yourself!

We are all capable of loving others and want to be loved back by those that we show love to. We love our families, children and our possessions but no one ever says that they love themselves because that will be considered as vanity.

There seems to be a big misconception that loving oneself is selfish but when you love yourself, you create positive thoughts about yourself which in turn creates a good ripple effect to how you are perceived by other people.

Self-love is about taking care of yourself, your emotions and pursuing the goals that you want to achieve or fulfilling the dreams that you have for yourself. It is about caring for your own happiness, health and well-being.

It comes naturally to us to be sympathetic and compassionate to someone else’s problems or shortcomings, but when we make mistakes or get rejected, we tend to be hard on ourselves. We need to practise the same compassion on ourselves.

When we compare ourselves to other people, we are destroying our self-love. We usually take our biggest flaws and compare them to someone’s success which leaves us feeling bad about ourselves and that leads to self-loathing.

Instead of beating yourself up, learn to spend your time and energy doing things that enable you to create healthier habits, not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

We are responsible for the way that we feel, and we need to realise that no matter how well we know someone we can never really know how they are feeling, what they are going through, what is going on in their lives or how they have achieved what you are comparing yourself with and if they are even happy where they are.

We do not need to love everything about ourselves to develop self-love, but we need to start by being aware of our strengths and weaknesses and being able to accept our capabilities and our deficiencies despite our past behaviours and choices.

It is acceptable to find the good in yourself because when you love yourself, you accept all your flaws and it will become easier to love and accept other people for who they are.

You will also realise that you do not need to change yourself to fit in with certain people because you will be drawn to the people that accept and are confident of themselves as you are.

Love yourself first and you will have enough love to go around, but if you try to love others and put their needs before yours, you will feel rejected and used when those people do not return your favours.

March 5, 2019

You are strong for surviving

“When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate.

Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive.

We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker … but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

I hope to one day see a sea of people all wearing silver ribbons as a sign that they understand the secret battle, and as a celebration of the victories made each day as we individually pull ourselves up out of our foxholes to see our scars heal, and to remember what the sun looks like.”

Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

February 7, 2019

“Most days I am strong, some days, not at all.”

For the best part of my life, I never allowed myself a moment of weakness. I am the first-born, a mother and honorary parent to 3 of my siblings and a provider for my mother, who all live in Africa while I am in the UK.

Year after year, I had to listen to their demands and help out. Saying no to anything was never an option.

I had to find a way to pay that bill they had defaulted on so that they didn’t have their electricity or water cut off.

I had to contribute to the family crowd fund for the uncle that had been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

I had to contribute to the family during bereavements, irrespective of if the deceased had a funeral policy, it’s just the decent thing to do.

As soon as I posted a holiday picture or a picture of a night out, the requests came in. The strange thing is, it was never demanded but asked in a way that made me feel guilty for living my life.

But one day, I reached breaking point. I was struggling with my health, physically and mentally.

It took me a while to realise what was happening to me because I thought was Superwoman.

I didn’t have the time to be ill, too many people were counting on me and no way was I going to be lying here feeling sorry for myself. I needed to get up and work and do the tasks that I needed to do.

But I couldn’t.

Getting up for work became a challenge, driving became a chore. Stopping for petrol was terrifying and answering the phone was even worse.

It felt like my life was being taken over, I was tired all the time, I slept all the time.

I was sad all the time and angry most times and constantly under a fog that I couldn’t even shake off.

I lost confidence in myself and I just could not do anything to help myself.

The days went quickly and became just a blur and all I could think of was that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I avoided talking to people and to the ones I spoke to, I said I was fine. I really felt like I was letting everybody down by being ill but never at one time did I think of myself. Just others.

When I finally realised that I needed help, and got the treatment that has helped me a great deal, I knew that I had to adjust my way of life.

I learnt that no matter how hard it was, I have to try to put my needs first, that is why I am such a fan of the quote, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Recovery and rediscovery has been a very important part of my life in the last 18 months.

Most days I am strong, but some days, not at all.

There are days when I am up early and raring to go and there are days where I struggle to even get out of bed.

There are times when I write an article and it takes me at least an hour tops to publish, and there are times when it takes me over two weeks to articulate myself in my writing.

I have learnt that I have to listen to my body and not work overtime when I don’t need to.

I have learnt that I can say no to a request and not lose sleep over it.

I have learnt that I can sleep and not feel guilty for switching off my phone.

I know that whatever happens now, I can take one day at a time and that my mental health is just as important as my physical health.

We watch what we eat, exercise and even take supplements to enhance our physical health and its heavily advertised but but mental health issues are always talked about behind closed doors.

We need to make time for therapeutic activities such as mindfulness, relaxation, personal care and getting in touch with nature.

Let us be kind to ourselves as we are to others.

December 16, 2018December 16, 2018

Through it all

Friends come and go
Life flies by right before your eyes.
You lose ones you love
Yet through it all you still love your life.

People leave you to fight alone
You put on a fake smile to hide all your pain
Yet someone still knows your hurt.

Through it all you still put on a front to satisfy those around you
Thorough it all you wouldn’t change a thing
Through it all you wouldn’t trade your life for fame.

You build a wall to try to keep from getting hurt
You lock up you heart and throw away the key to see who cares enough to look for the key
Through it all there’s not many people that got you to open up yet still you love it all.

Struggles meet you in the face to watch you slip up
Yet through it all you wouldn’t change a thing.

Through it all you wouldn’t change a thing
Through it all you wouldn’t trade your life for fame.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/through-it-all

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

December 15, 2018December 15, 2018

Are You Pouring From An Empty Cup?

A few weeks ago, I was invited by my cousin to watch her two children perform in a play and gladly accepted.

I was so looking forward to it and in the morning of the event, I woke up and went to the gym then came back home to have my breakfast.

Soon after breakfast, I felt nauseas and then got physically sick, so I decided to lie down and have a rest.

When I woke up, I started to panic because I was counting down to the time of the play and although I knew that I wasn’t well enough to drive there, I didn’t want to disappoint my family and wanted to at least try.

I hesitated to inform my cousin because a part of me really wanted to go and I felt guilty for cancelling at the last minute, but in the end, I called her and she was very understanding.

After I cancelled, I felt immense relief that I didn’t have to get dressed and drive and I started to ask myself why it had taken me so long to cancel and just rest.

I realised that while i was feeling poorly, I wanted to go to the play because I didn’t want to disappoint my family.

It felt easier for me to go in the state I was in, than to pick up the phone and give an excuse.

I started reflecting on how much I take on because I don’t like to say no and instead end up overwhelmed with tasks that leave me exhausted and unhappy at times.

I realised that the people who do care about my well-being will understand if I can’t do something, so I don’t need to get myself into a panic when it comes to telling them so.

So many of us overstretch ourselves to cater for others and most times get no appreciation for it.

It is necessary to get into the habit of checking how full your cup is, as you can’t fill anyone else’s cup if yours has run dry.

You can do this by practising self-care and listening to your body. If you are constantly feeling tired you are probably running on empty.

You have to learn to put yourself first; contrary to popular belief, it is not selfish to do so.

Show yourself some love before you carry everyone else’s burdens. You can’t look after other people when you neglect yourself.

Tidy up your environment, eat well, sleep well and ensure you get plenty of rest.

You can pace yourself when it comes to doing tasks and have realistic to do lists

Machines need regular maintenance and servicing to ensure that they work properly, the mind and body are the same.

Make sure your cup is full before you pour into someone else’s.

December 4, 2018

Mental Health – How to identity and avoid triggers

When most people are recovering from mental illness their condition becomes more manageable. It is however important to understand that recovery is an ongoing process and that it is normal to have difficulties and setbacks along the way.

When you have achieved some stability and understand your illness and how to manage it, you have to identify what you need to do in order to stay well.

There are things in our lives that can accelerate mental health problems or impede on recovery.

Below are some examples:

Alcohol

It is important to limit or avoid alcohol because mental health problems not only result from drinking too much alcohol, they can also cause people to drink too much and make their problems worse. Some people tend to self-medicate with alcohol so that they can sleep or numb their feelings, but then they may wake up feeling worse because alcohol is a depressant which causes moods to fluctuate.

Stress

Stress can be overwhelming, it can cause anxiety and aggravate existing conditions. Sometimes we set unrealistic deadlines at work or overcommit to our families and not leave enough time for ourselves, then we end up getting stressed. Financial worries can cause stress and some stress can be a cause of mental conditions, but some can make it worse. It is important to identify potential stressors in your life in order to help with your recovery.

Over the counter medication

Most people are not comfortable talking to doctors or taking prescribed medications, so they end up buying over the counter medication to help with their symptoms but that can be as dangerous as not treating it at all. When you see a medical professional, they always ask if you are taking other medication so that they do not prescribe to you something that will counteract with the other. So, when you take other medication that is not prescribed to you, you could make your symptoms worse or take something completely harmful to your health.

Negative thoughts

It is common for people with mental health problems to experience negative thoughts and feelings which include but are not limited to sadness, guilt, helplessness and worthlessness and find them hard to shake off which can have detrimental effects on how they function in everyday life.

Negative thoughts can be draining and have you in a constant state of fight or flight which can leave you extremely fatigued.

Isolation

The stigma surrounding mental health can cause somebody with mental health problems to isolate themselves. When someone feels unwanted or unloved, they stay away from people and at times they are just unmotivated to be in social situations.

When one has encountered negative or judgemental people it is natural to prefer to be alone. Choosing to be alone and have some downtime is fine but withdrawal and isolation can be detrimental to one’s health as it can contribute to cardiovascular disease and insomnia which affects how the immune system functions.

Not taking care of yourself

Rest and recharge, the mind needs just as much rest as the body.

Some illnesses may require you to just take medication but mental illness like depression needs you to look after your physical well-being as well.

Self-care is paramount in recovery, one needs to learn and identify what is good and works for them.

Personal care and a clean environment goes a long way in assisting in recovery.

You need to eat well, sleep well, exercise and hydrate, as it has a direct impact on your physical and emotional well being.