What does depression look like?

 

When asked this question,  the first image that comes to mind is a worn out looking man or woman with tired, dark circled eyes that sits alone in a corner somewhere and shies away from everyone.

Another is of a teenage boy or girl that likes to dress in dark colours and has piercings and some tattoos.

 

But does depression really have a look?

Can we define depression by a person’s physical appearance?

When we have conversations about depression and emotional wellness a lot of people from African origins and other ethnic minorities do not want to open up about mental conditions as they consider depression to be an illness that affects only white people and are afraid of being judged, but the truth is, depression does not have a specific look.

You could ride in a bus, be in a queue at the bank or working in an office and not know if the person next to you suffers from depression because you can not tell just by looking at someone. You could be the one suffering from depression and no one may know just by looking at you.

Depression doesn’t necessarily change a persons’ appearance but the person suffering from the condition experiences a change in emotions, therefore you cannot always point them out as not all emotions have an expression and some people are good at hiding their emotions.

Even when someone expresses a certain emotion, it may not be related to depression at all,  hence it is very difficult to tell if someone suffers from it or not unless it is diagnosed by a professional.

Depression is a very serious condition that can go on for years because the mood changes may come and go. It makes it difficult for one to live their life as normal as possible and carry out their daily tasks.

A one-off feeling of sadness or being down cannot be defined as depression, however, the term ‘I am so depressed’ is commonly loosely used when someone has had a challenging time or a stressful day or they didn’t get or achieve what they needed to.

Although many people with depression feel sadness, it feels much more severe than emotions that come and go in response to life events. We also cannot just conclude that someone is depressed if they seem unhappy about something.

It is a common misconception that being depressed is a choice, a luxury illness for attention seekers and sufferers are constantly being told to have a positive attitude.

Friends and loved ones often get frustrated or don’t understand why a person can’t “snap out of it.” They may even say that the person has nothing to be depressed about, they have a good job, nice family and so on.

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Depression is not fun, it’s not a game, and it’s not a quirk to add to your personality because you think it’s cool. Depression is serious and ugly and affects so many people, in fact, it is a major risk factor for suicide.

Depression doesn’t just disappear, you don’t suddenly wake up and are cured.  Just like any other chronic illness, some people respond well to treatment or therapy or both and some people take longer to respond or to seek treatment.

Depression knows no race, gender, age, political affiliation, marital status, financial status or religious views. Some people will be functioning well in their day to day lives and excelling in their jobs or school but still suffer from depression silently.

If you start to feel like harming yourself or that your life is not worth living, please try to get help straight away.

You can make an appointment to see your  GP or call NHS  on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.

 

Dear Family

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My first thought was to say I am sorry for disgracing you by addressing my depression publicly, but after giving it some thought, I feel I owe you no apologies.

I am not sorry for realising that something was going on in my life and I could not get out a depressive mode.

I am not sorry that I accepted my diagnosis and got the help that I needed. No, I am not crazy, in fact I can focus a lot more clearly now that I understand what is happening.

I am tired of being sorry that I can not please you and I can finally take the time that I need to look after my self.

I am tired of picking up your pieces and being asked to be the mediator in your fights only to be blamed for things later.

I am tired of being the person you guilt trip into babysitting, running your errands and lending you money that never gets repaid.

I am tired of being afraid to say I just need time out today or have a lie in for fear of being called lazy.

I am tired of being validated by what I do for you. It will never be enough, the more I do the more the demands get.

I am fed up of your constant opinions that hinder me from using my ideas and moving on with my life. Why do you feel the need to bring me down all the time?

I am learning to be brave enough to say no when I can not do something for you whether it pleases you or not.

I am learning to rest when my body needs it and do things on my terms.

I am learning to embark on projects that I want and let you know  about them later, I do not need permission to do what I want but you have made me feel like that for as long as I can remember.

I am learning that though I may be far from perfect, I can strive be the best person that i can be.

I am learning that you and I can have a relationship without me being, your fixer, your cashpoint, your  driver, your maid and your punchbag.

Finally I feel a release, a strong sense of freedom that I can focus on myself for a change, put myself first for a change.

That is not to say that I will not help when you are in need but I need to be comfortable and want to help and not feel under pressure to do something for you because you need me to.

Depression – Breaking the Stigma

 

Depression does not discriminate against race, gender, religious beliefs, financial status, age, and gender. As a black African woman that has experienced depression both personally and professionally, it has not been an easy topic to talk about with family, friends and acquaintances.

There are a lot of myths about depression and anxiety that cause a lot of confusion which can keep people from reaching out for help. Most people are afraid to ask for help among their peers, as they would be considered to be lazy or crazy.

Many people see mental illness as a weakness or personal failure and the following statements are usually made;

“Depression does not affect black people, its something the white privileged suffer from.”

“You need to get over it, find a hobby, take a walk.”

“Oh, stop being so sensitive!”

“Don’t take the medication, it will only make you worse.”

This makes people who are struggling with depression hold back on sharing how they feel.

Culturally we are taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. If you find yourself struggling at school, college or work, you cannot complain openly about things, as you feel conscious that you may be seen as being entitled, weak or merely just using it as an excuse for your laziness. Some depression is attributed to witchcraft or attention seeking and guilt.

We are conditioned from an early age to look out for others, help as much as we can, give as much as we can but it is not easy to say no, not today, I am tired, I need a break and just need to rest or have time to myself for fear of being seen as selfish.

We are constantly reminded that our lives are better than others who are living in impoverished countries. What have you got to be depressed about? You live in England; you have a job and a partner, think of people struggling back home or the ones in Ethiopia and Somalia who have no food or clean water.

The only time people cry openly is usually when there is a death of a loved one. Generally, crying is seen as a weakness and people tend to suffer in silence. We are supposed to be able to make it through anything. Our ancestors made it through slavery, we can make it through all the hard times, we have to keep going, and we have to be strong.

But what happens then when you have been too strong for too long? When you are tired of carrying other people’s problems and need time out? When you feel overwhelmed and need to find refuge in someone or somewhere?

While spiritual support is an important part of healing, the care of a qualified mental health professional is very important as with any other medical condition. Treatment should be sought earlier for it to be more effective.

We cannot simply ‘pray away’ depression or any form of mental illness. Why is it set apart from illnesses, such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure where one can get medication to help with their symptoms and be open about it?

The stigma surrounding antidepressants causes some people to accept their diagnosis but not share and not take their medication. They will be feeling worse each day, picking up their prescription every month after telling their doctor that they are no better and just stacking the medication in the drawer.

There is very little sympathy in some communities in relation to depression as people do not know how to handle it or what to say to someone suffering from depression. It is important that we come together to address mental illnesses and break the stigma attached to it because it can affect anyone.

If you start to feel like your life isn’t worth living or you want to harm yourself, get help straight away.

Either see your GP or call NHS 111. You can also call Samaritans on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.

See some other organisations that can help with mental health issues.