Depression affects approximately 1 in 4 people of the UK population. Many people suffer from depression but are unaware of the signs or may choose to ignore them in the hope that the feelings may pass.
It may also be a case of not wanting to accept a diagnosis of depression due to the stigma attached to it and the taking of antidepressants or it could be cultural reasons that are holding them back from acknowledging that they need help.
The longer that treatment is delayed, the more difficult it is for depression to be treated, with a higher chance of recurrence. It can also contribute to or worsen other medical conditions.
Here are some signs of depression that you may look out for and if you or someone close to you has experienced any of them for 2 weeks or longer it would be good to see your family doctor to discuss treatment.
Loss of interest in activities that one used to enjoy, loss of libido and being in an extended state of irritable mood.
Trouble remembering details or concentrating.
Unexplained feelings of fatigue or lack of energy over an extended period of time. Fatigue that is brought about by depression is not associated with other causes such as an increase in physical activity or other conditions.
Feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, worthlessness, and helplessness. When someone is depressed, these feelings occur nearly every day and can be severe enough to be delusional.
Hopelessness and Pessimism.
Oversleeping or insomnia.
Restlessness.
Loss of appetite or mindless comfort overeating.
Aches and pains that won’t go away.
Constant sad, anxious, or feelings of emptiness.
Suicidal thoughts or attempts and self-harming. A person suffering from depression may have recurrent deliberations of suicide or attempt suicide.
Growing up in a Black African home that is all I ever heard and grew up believing, that showing emotions is for the weak.
Our fathers, brothers and uncles were raised to be protectors, to act tough and hide their weaknesses. They were expected to be fixers when the family had problems and be fearless in dealing with them.
Men are expected hide their weaknesses.
Men who show their emotions are seen as weak, but men suffer mentally and emotionally as much as women, they just don’t show it as it is not socially acceptable to do so.
Most men with mental health illnesses deal with them by disconnecting themselves from people because they feel that is the manly thing to do.
Some bottle it up and ‘get on with it’ or even joke about it but not accept that there is a problem.
Sometimes they deal with it differently by being defensive, lashing out, acting irritably and refusing to cooperate with others.
Men are raised to behave a certain way, even women do not want to be involved with a man that they see as weak, so men bottle their feelings and hide their shortcomings.
This gender stereotype has led to a lot of young men taking their lives because they feel like they have failed their loved ones.
There is too much pressure to ‘man up’ that people do not seek the help they need.
Two thirds of the world’s suicides are committed by men because they are too ashamed to talk and get the help that they need.
Culturally, there are also some limitations when it comes to dealing with depression and other mental illnesses.
Sometimes illnesses are blamed on witchcraft and go untreated because they do not believe that it is medical.
What is depression they say? Stop being lazy!
Why do you want to adopt western values?
That is a rich man’s illness.
That is a white man’s illness.
Seriously, what has race got to do with it?
Do not stop taking your medication without supervision.
There is also a big misconception that medication makes people worse so those that are diagnosed avoid taking their medication or stop without supervision, only to make their symptoms worse.
Some men refuse to confront their mental conditions as they are convinced that they will be judged negatively by their loved ones.
It is hard for a man to admit he is suffering from a cold so how can he tell anyone that he is struggling with depression. They are told to ‘man up’ and deal with it.
There are some symptoms to look for when someone is struggling with depression
When men struggle with depression, they find it hard to share it with anyone for fear of being judged. It takes a lot of strength to own up to shortcomings and vulnerabilities and take the proper steps toward doing something about it.
There is help and support for mental health problems. If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of the symptoms for prolonged periods of time it is advisable to see a medical professional.
Let us encourage boys and men to talk about their mental health and get the help that they need.
Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is.
Prayer is good, mediation helps but we can not pray away mental illnesses. While it may be comforting to ‘take our troubles to the Lord in prayer’, it is also important that we seek medical help for health conditions.
We can not pray away mental illness
There are some people that pray relentlessly for healing but not get healed. What do you think goes through those peoples minds when they do not get better after prayer? A lot of times people start to feel like failures, that they have sinned and do not deserve to get healed from their sickness.
Let us encourage loved ones that are suffering, especially with mental health conditions to seek medical help, then we can pray with them; if that is what you do and it is within their beliefs.
This morning I read that Pastor Andrew Stoecklein of Inland Hills, Chino, California had taken his life after battling depression and anxiety. He was only 30 years old, leaving behind a wife and 3 sons.
Pastor Andrew Stoecklein of Inland Hills Church took his life after battling with anxiety and depression. (Inland Hills Church)
This is not a man who didn’t know how to pray. He prayed with and for other people as well as teach. He was a leader that was looked upon as a responsible person in society and religious communities but he suffered from depression.
He probably couldn’t share what was really troubling him as everyone looked to him for answers. It can get very lonely at the top.
His church announced, “In his time leading Inland Hills, Andrew reached so many with his warm wit, passionate heart for God, and teaching that always, always pointed others to Jesus. The loving husband, father, son, and friend that he was will continue to inspire us in leading others into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ,”
Mental illness should not be considered as demonic, it is a reality. It is a dysfunction rooted in the structure of the personality and most times caused by traumatic, physical or psychological experiences or genetic imbalances. In most cases medication can help a person lead an almost normal life.
The churches need to step up and teach their congregants about mental health and the help they can get professionally. If people can seek medical help for all other illnesses they should be encouraged to do so for their mental health, then the in-house counselling can be offered. People should not be afraid to reach out when they are suffering.
Let us continue to talk about mental health and get help when we need it, for ourselves and, for our loved ones. Help is always at hand. You can make an appointment to see your GP or call NHS on 111. The Samaritans are on call on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.
Earlier today the news emerged that designer Kate Spade had taken her own life, leaving a 13 year old daughter and husband.
A child has lost a mother, a husband has lost a wife, irrespective of their marital problems.
Rest in peace Kate Spade
Suicide is a choice they say.. But is it?
People that die of suicide will not be thinking straight at their time of death, their mental illnesses cause them to reach that point.
It is evident she was not in a happy place because she would not have ended her life and left a teenage child without a mother.
No matter what she wrote on her suicide note, the reasons are never going to be explanation enough to her family and those closest to her.
There are so many questions left unasked and unanswered. There will be so many stories that will emerge, some sympathetic, some; not so much.
No one knows what she was feeling during her last days for her to end her life the way she did.
One does not simply choose to die as though they are deciding what to make for dinner… “err, actually, I think I will die now”.
There are so many factors that cause someone to sink to a certain low, feel worthless and no matter how much they try, they feel that they are better off dead.
People who are affected by mental health disorders are more likely to commit suicide. Sometimes it is known before a persons death but sometimes it is known after.
Depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are the most common mental health disorders that contribute to suicide.
When a person is so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and worthlessness they often think that they have no other option and start contemplating suicide.
It is hard to know how someone is feeling but there are usually tell tale signs that can indicate that they are depressed or have suicidal tendencies for instance ;
Avoiding social situations.
Feeling hopeless and helpless.
Exhibiting feelings of strong anger or rage.
Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
Abusing drugs or alcohol and self harming.
Exhibiting changes in personality.
Constant talk or writing about death or suicide.
It is important to watch out for theses signs and take action to enable someone to get the help that they need and possibly prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death.
The stigma surrounding mental health and suicide makes them taboo subjects to talk about. Most people that have suicidal thoughts do not want to burden anyone with their problems so they do not reach out for fear of being judged and accused of attention seeking.
Staying silent isn’t being strong, speaking out is. Let’s stop the stigma!
Experiencing depression can be very overwhelming to the sufferer and to close family and friends.
We all have moments of feeling down or sad but if these emotions persist over a long period of time or become severe, it may be a sign that someone may be suffering from depression.
It is important to support loved ones by encouraging that they seek help and reassure them that it is Ok to ask for help.
Encourage them to talk about how they feel as it may sometimes be hard for them to express themselves. Some people feel that it is a sign of weakness to share their feelings.
Sometimes its good to just listen, having someone to talk to and not be judged about how you feel or be told to ‘get over it and ‘we all go through it’ does not help the person experiencing depression. In fact, it forces them to shut down and be more private about their situation leading them to suffer in silence.
If you do not live with them, try to keep in touch more often. Sometimes they may not even have the energy to keep up with day to day things like making phone calls or leaving the house.
It may be hard to understand why your friend or family member is depressed especially if you have not experienced it yourself. Please try not to be judgemental or find blame as to why the person is suffering from depression. It is not easy to snap out of it, there is no magic button to switch off depression. Do not be critical of their situation or make it about yourself and say, “we all get depressed, I have it but I manage, stop thinking too much”.
If they have been prescribed medication, support them to continue with their medication especially in the first few weeks while they adjust to the medication and experience some unpleasant side effects.
Encourage them to see their doctor if they feel worse with their medication or the side effects are continuous.
While it is tempting to help them with everything, it is important to encourage them to undertake their day to day tasks like cooking, cleaning and going to do their food shopping.
It is also important to look after yourself so that you have the energy to support your friend or family member. If you feel that you can not help them it is Ok to be honest and say that you can’t help and suggest that they seek help of professionals if they need to.
Depression does not discriminate against race, gender, religious beliefs, financial status, age, and gender. As a black African woman that has experienced depression both personally and professionally, it has not been an easy topic to talk about with family, friends and acquaintances.
There are a lot of myths about depression and anxiety that cause a lot of confusion which can keep people from reaching out for help. Most people are afraid to ask for help among their peers, as they would be considered to be lazy or crazy.
Many people see mental illness as a weakness or personal failure and the following statements are usually made;
“Depression does not affect black people, its something the white privileged suffer from.”
“You need to get over it, find a hobby, take a walk.”
“Oh, stop being so sensitive!”
“Don’t take the medication, it will only make you worse.”
This makes people who are struggling with depression hold back on sharing how they feel.
Culturally we are taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. If you find yourself struggling at school, college or work, you cannot complain openly about things, as you feel conscious that you may be seen as being entitled, weak or merely just using it as an excuse for your laziness. Some depression is attributed to witchcraft or attention seeking and guilt.
We are conditioned from an early age to look out for others, help as much as we can, give as much as we can but it is not easy to say no, not today, I am tired, I need a break and just need to rest or have time to myself for fear of being seen as selfish.
We are constantly reminded that our lives are better than others who are living in impoverished countries. What have you got to be depressed about? You live in England; you have a job and a partner, think of people struggling back home or the ones in Ethiopia and Somalia who have no food or clean water.
The only time people cry openly is usually when there is a death of a loved one. Generally, crying is seen as a weakness and people tend to suffer in silence. We are supposed to be able to make it through anything. Our ancestors made it through slavery, we can make it through all the hard times, we have to keep going, and we have to be strong.
But what happens then when you have been too strong for too long? When you are tired of carrying other people’s problems and need time out? When you feel overwhelmed and need to find refuge in someone or somewhere?
While spiritual support is an important part of healing, the care of a qualified mental health professional is very important as with any other medical condition. Treatment should be sought earlier for it to be more effective.
We cannot simply ‘pray away’ depression or any form of mental illness. Why is it set apart from illnesses, such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure where one can get medication to help with their symptoms and be open about it?
The stigma surrounding antidepressants causes some people to accept their diagnosis but not share and not take their medication. They will be feeling worse each day, picking up their prescription every month after telling their doctor that they are no better and just stacking the medication in the drawer.
There is very little sympathy in some communities in relation to depression as people do not know how to handle it or what to say to someone suffering from depression. It is important that we come together to address mental illnesses and break the stigma attached to it because it can affect anyone.
If you start to feel like your life isn’t worth living or you want to harm yourself, get help straight away.
Either see your GP or call NHS 111. You can also call Samaritans on 116 123 for 24-hour confidential, non-judgemental emotional support.
Depression is a mood disorder depicted by low mood and a wide range of other possible symptoms, which will vary from person to person. It is an illness that can develop progressively or rapidly and can be brought on by life events and changes in body chemistry.
It is not a fancy illness that only affects people of a certain creed, race, gender, marital status, financial status or age. It can affect anybody and it is treatable. It is one of those things that you will not understand until it happens to you or someone close to you.
Depression is a condition that is difficult to talk about. You can call work to request time off with a cold or a broken arm and it is acceptable, but when you have depression you’re seen as lazy, weak, selfish and attention seeking.
Depression is not the same as a physical illness but it can be even more serious because when you are severely depressed you can feel like giving up on life itself.
Depression can affect different people in various ways, for instance;
Mild Depression,
Major Depression,
Bipolar Depression,
Postnatal Depression and
Seasonal Affective Depression (SAD).
It can be difficult to distinguish between grief and depression. They share many of the same characteristics, but there are important differences between them. Grief is an entirely natural response to a loss, while depression is an illness. People who are grieving find their feelings of sadness and loss come and go, but they’re still able to enjoy things and look forward to the future.
In contrast, people who are depressed constantly feel sad. They don’t enjoy anything and find it difficult to be positive about the future. However, depression is more than just sadness and you can not ‘just snap out of it”, or will yourself out of it any more than you could snap out of a cold, broken arm or any other ailment. Just like all other illnesses, it takes a while to recover.
Peoples experiences with depression vary, but they might include:
low mood lasting two weeks or more
not getting any enjoyment out of life
feeling hopeless
feeling tired or lacking energy
not being able to concentrate on everyday things like reading the paper or watching television
comfort eating or losing your appetite
sleeping more than usual or being unable to sleep
having suicidal thoughts or thoughts about harming yourself moving or speaking more slowly than usual
changes in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
unexplained aches and pains
lack of energy
low sex drive (loss of libido)
changes to your menstrual cycle
disturbed sleep – for example, finding it difficult to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning
not doing well at work
avoiding contact with friends and taking part in fewer social activities
neglecting your hobbies and interests
having difficulties in your home and family life
Depression is hard to ignore at its worst but at the same time we don’t want to admit it. Sometimes we don’t notice it creeping up on us. Many people try to cope with their symptoms without realising that they are unwell. It can sometimes take a friend or family member to suggest something is wrong.
Doctors describe depression by how serious it is:
mild depression which has some impact on your daily life
moderate depression which has a significant impact on your daily life
severe depression which makes it almost impossible to get through daily life; a few people with severe depression may have psychotic symptoms
People suffering from depression should never hesitate to seek help. There is no reason to suffer in silence, when there are treatments available.
Whatever the cause, if negative feelings don’t go away, are too much for you to cope with, or are stopping you from carrying on with your normal life, you may need to make some changes and get some extra support.
If you’re still feeling down after a couple of weeks, talk to your GP or call NHS 111. Your GP can discuss your symptoms with you and make a diagnosis.
If you’re diagnosed with depression, your GP will discuss all of the available treatment options with you, including self-help, talking therapies and antidepressants.
Whether you have depression or just find yourself feeling down for a while, it could be worth trying some self-help techniques.
Life changes, such as getting a regular good night’s sleep, keeping to a healthy diet, reducing your alcohol intake and getting regular exercise, can help you feel more in control and more able to cope.
Self-help techniques can include activities such as meditation, breathing exercises and learning ways to think about problems differently. Tools such as self-help books and online counselling can be very effective.
If your GP has prescribed antidepressants, it’s important that you carry on taking them.
If you’re reading this because you’re having suicidal thoughts, try to ask someone for help. It may be difficult at this time, but it’s important to know you’re not beyond help and you’re not alone.
Talking to someone can help you see beyond feelings of loneliness or despair and help you realise there are options.
There are people who want to talk to you and help. Try talking to a family member or friend about how you’re feeling.
There are several telephone helplines you can call at any time of the day or night. You can speak to someone who understands how you’re feeling and can help you through the immediate crisis.
We know it can be difficult to pick up the phone, but reach out to somebody and let them know how you are feeling.
Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
Childline (0800 1111) runs a helpline for children and young people in the UK
Calls are free and the number won’t show up on your phone bill.
PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.
Depression Alliance is a charity for people with depression. It doesn’t have a helpline, but offers a wide range of useful resources and links to other relevant information.
Students Against Depression is a website for students who are depressed, have a low mood or are having suicidal thoughts.
Bullying UK is a website for both children and adults affected by bullying.
Help for young men
Men may be more likely to avoid or ignore problems and many are reluctant to talk about their feelings or seek help when they need it.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is an excellent resource for young men who are feeling unhappy. As well as their website, CALM also has a helpline (0800 58 58 58).
Talking to someone you trust
If you don’t want to speak to someone on a helpline, you could talk to:
a member of your family, a friend or someone you trust, such as a teacher
your GP, a mental healthcare professional or another healthcare professional
a minister, priest or other type of faith leader
Seeing your GP
It would also help to see your GP. They can advise you about appropriate treatment if they think you have a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety.
Your GP may be able to help you with access to talking therapies. Talking therapies, such as counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are often used to help people who have suicidal thoughts and usually involve talking about your feelings with a professional.
Helping your child
If you are concerned your child may be feeling suicidal or is self-harming, the following advice may help:
Notice when they seem upset, withdrawn or irritable.
Encourage them to talk about their worries, listen to them and help them find their own solutions.
Keep all medicines locked away, including painkillers such as paracetamol
suggest your child talks to their GP or a counsellor about how they feel.
